FRACTURED FAIRY TALE

I've started a new story. i think it's frankly hilarious and would love to see it made into a movie by pixar. i think it's right up their alley. or dreamworks. they'd love it too. anyway i think the technical term for what the story is is a fractured fairy tale. fairy tales have always intrigued me and i always wanted to write twists to the well known classics. sleeping beauty and snow white and all that. anyway I've got the story started and I'm anxious to see how it turns out. the problem is i still haven't finished my other books I've started. but i do plan this one to be a short chapter book for kids like the Cordelia story I'm working on. anyway I've got snow white, sleeping beauty, Cinderella, Rapunzel, and the last one is a mix of rose red, beauty (and the beast) and the princess from frog prince. and they're all sisters. well some are step-sisters. but they go through life together and have fun with each other's weaknesses and gullibilities. they also all get along well and love each other dearly. they're even loved by their parents. it's the princes that are the problem. well not all of them but some of them anyway. and some of them just can't help it. one is gorgeous but full of himself. one is hideously ugly. one doesn't want to be king. one falls in love with every girl he sees and with 5 beautiful princesses he seems.... well.... i would say 2-timer but he would really be a 5-timer. he doesn't mean to be he's just so in love with all of them that he can't make up his mind. another prince is just your average joe of princes. and another prince is maliciously evil. i may add more of these rescuers of damsels in distress as the story progresses. but that's what i have to start with. i hope it turns out as funny as i think it will.

IMMIGRATION AND ALL THAT ROT

this is something that was sent to me in my email and it illustrates my sentiments exactly on ILLEGAL immigration. LEGAL immigration is something else entirely. i'm all for people who come here LEGALLY either permanently or temporarily. but that is a horse of a different color. frankly there are ways of taking care of this problem that would hardly take any trouble for anyone at all to fix. it's all very simple really but politicians don't believe in simple. anyone with half a brain can see the solutions like a big red truck (i.e. fire engine) anyway until solutions are made this issue will not just go away. it will fester and build until it consumes but all that can easily be avoided. easily. and you thought i lived with my head under a rock in a hole in the ground. i do pay attention to things. more than you think. i'm just not loud about what i know. and view down there is amazingly enlightening.


Let's say I break into your house:
A lady wrote the best letter in the Editorials
in ages!!! It explains things better than all
the baloney you hear on TV.

Her point:
Recently large demonstrations have taken place
across the country protesting the fact that Congress
is finally addressing the issue of illegal immigration.

Certain people are angry that
the US might protect its own
borders, might make it harder
to sneak into this country and,
once here, to stay indefinitely.

Let me see if I correctly understand
the thinking behind these protests.
Let's say I break into your house.
Let's say that when you discover
me in your house, you insist that I leave.

But I say, "I've made all
the beds and washed the
dishes and did the laundry
and swept the floors. I've
done all the things you don't
like to do. I'm hard-working
and honest (except for when I broke into your house).

According to the protesters:

You are Required to let me stay in your house
You are Required to add me to your family's insurance plan
You are Required to Educate my kids
You are Required to Provide other benefits to me & to my family
(my husband will do all of your yard work because
he is also hard-working and honest, except for that
breaking in part).

If you try to call the police or force me out,
I will call my friends who will picket your
house carrying signs that proclaim my RIGHT to be there.

It's only fair, after all, because you have
a nicer house than I do, and I'm just
trying to better myself. I'm a hard-working
and honest, person, except for well,
you know, I did break into your house.

And oh yeah, I get a free education, where you
have to pay your own way through college.(TEEHEE)
And what a deal it is for me!!!

I live in your house, contributing only a
fraction of the cost of my keep, and
there is nothing you can do about it
without being accused of cold,
uncaring, selfish, prejudiced, and
bigoted behavior.

Oh yeah, I DEMAND that you learn
MY LANGUAGE!!! so you can communicate with me.
And don't forget to make sure your forms are in MY language - I need to understand them...

Welcome to America (--this last bit added by me)

DRAGONS

dragons are the coolest. i love dragons. so naturally there are dragons in my stories. dragons are intelligent and all the dragons have the ability to breathe fire and fly and a few other things but different colored dragons have different abilities.
red=lava
blue=water
green=healing
black=shadow
white=light
brown=earth
orange=alchemy
purple=jewel
silver=stone
gold=weather
these are things they can control and generate and use to their advantage (like camouflage and shape shifting).a dragon is always one of these colors. never a mix. a dragon has not been born that can do 2 (or more) color abilities. it is always one. no matter what color the parents are. now if 2 white dragons mate they are most likely to have white children but not necessarily. a red child is quite possible if one of the grandparents are red or even a great-grandparent. if a brown and a black mate most of the children will be brown or black but don't be surprised if there is a gold child.

HOME AND KITTES

they say home is where the heart is. i beg to differ. being transported by my ribcage inside my body my heart goes lots of places i would never call home. so i will change this only sometimes true statement to home is where the kitties are.
i currently have 10 cats and 4 kittens. and i know that makes you all green with envy. ha! ha! kitties! kitties! kitties! all for me! none for you! anyway in case you are ignorant of the improtant things the names of the 10 are (in order of age) princess, gwendolyn, uhura, polgara, belgarath, koren, fred and george (twins and hard to tell apart. only their eye color is different), ginny and frisky.
the 4 kittens do not have names yet but i know you are dying to know more about them. all 4 are girls. 3 are in a litter together (mom=uhura) and the 4th is a litter all by herself (mom=gwendolyn) all 4 are about 1 month old (i'll pause for your aww's............) the one by herself is orange and white and very fluffy. the other 3 are black, grey and butter (hard to say of she's yellow or orange but butter is the color (real not margerine)) anyway i was enjoying the 3 today. they're so cute. the black meowed the whole time. the butter hissed the whole time and the grey slept the whole time. talk about personalites. the butter colored one played with my hair a bit. she would swat at it then bite it like a snake. it was very funny.
well i am looking forward to spoiling them all rotten like belgarath (who is EXTREMELY lovey) but mom complains every time i pet them because we're trying to move and can't take the cats with us which is phooey. life without kitties is no life at all. oh well i'd better enjoy them while i can. and in the mean time i will gloat... i've got kitties and you don't! nya! nya! nya! (well... even if you do i have more AND kittens.... not to mention the pregnant cats which means MORE kittens) nya!

FRESH MEAT

writing is a lot of work. it is not easy. i have a tendency to leave out details. it is hard to put what is in my head onto paper. i see more than what i write. i have the whole picture in my head but the reader does not. i can't read it like a reader would. i have been driving my brother crazy with having him read it and tell me what's missing. i have to constantly ask him if it's confusing in any way and if all the necessary information is there. he is starting to be useless. because he has already told me the obvious stuff and now he is having a hard time with reading it with fresh eyes because he knows what happens and why. i need fresh meat. (mmmmmm meat. now i'm hungry) anyway if anyone is willing to help me out let me know. i would love to have readers who can tell me what they like and what they don't. but you have to be patient while i continue to tweak the story. it could take a few months before it's ready for more readers.

WHATEVER

school. let's face it. it's dull. i never liked school. i don't know why i go. i guess it is because of society. one can not earn a living without going to school. but you can't get a job without experience and you can't gain experience without a job. twisted society.
anyway. that topic's boring. let's talk about something else. what? i don't know. i don't care.
pizza. pizza's a good topic. mostly because i'm hungry. i like a think crust with extra sauce and cheese and lots of different toppings. yum yum. i like pizza anyway it comes though. i even like cheap frozen pizza. or pizza flavored things. like chips and pretzels and pasta and such. pasta. mmmmmm..... that makes me think of lasagna. now that is good stuff. dude i gotta go find something to eat before i drool all over this keyboard.

BOYS AND PRINCESSES

i am currently staying with my sister and her family and my niece has eight little disney dolls, jasmine, ariel, belle, mulan, pocahantas, cinderella, aurora, snow white. well i like to play with these dolls and mix and mess up the stories. it's all highly entertaining. well anyway one day i took these dolls into a different room from my niece and left her to play with her cousin. i went into the room where the boys were thinking i could REALLY mix up the stories without being disturbed. this did not happen. the four boys ages, 5-10, were intrigued. they wanted to play too. so we divided up the dolls between us and had a jolly good time. we had balls and slumber parties and shopping sprees and everything. the boys had so much fun that they still ask me to play princesses with them.
who would have thought that boys could have so much fun with princess dolls?

NEW CRAZE

Are you ready for another brilliant idea? OK OK OK so it's not as brilliant as the last one but I can definitely see dollar signs. Ready?
Glass furniture.
Not just tables and lamps but couches and chairs!
They would come with all rounded edges or prechipped edges smoothed over just in case someone is worried about getting a chip and looking tacky. It would be cushioned of course and the fabric would be washable. Talk about hypo-allergenic! It would be easy to clean out crumbs and toys and remote controls!
The only downside that I can see is that it would weigh a ton. Perhaps modern technology can help us out with that though.
I can totally see this selling big time to the wealthy with the big fancy shmancy houses. It will be the new craze of Hollywood.

JOURNAL ENTRY OF A DRAGON

dragons are an oft misunderstood race. it is automatically assumed by people that we are inherently bad. but this is just not so. people think of dragons when a building is on fire or a girl is missing. why would a dragon want a maiden anyway? they're all skin and bones! no meat! at least not enough meat to make it worthwhile. and what would be the purpose of setting a building or field on fire? we need fields for food as much as people do. we are often visited by hostile knights on various quests who feel it is their duty to slay a dragon. fools! what is their reason? to seek the revenge of previous fools who sought to slay us? now be honest. what would you do if someone broke into your home stole your stuff woke you from a sound sleep and tried to rob you of your life? let him have at it? i think not! that would be foolish. you would be dead and the thieving murderer would be free to do it again. no. it is best to stop such nonsense right away. at first i tried to reason with the knight who did these horrible things but they were so full of their own self-righteousness that i had no choice but to kill them out of self defense. i no longer bother to try. i simply fry them and go back to sleep.

WHAT IF SNOW WHITE...

What if Snow White's step-mother was nice and loved her step-daughter?
What if Snow White ran away and met the Dwarves for a reason other than her step-mother trying to kill her?
What if Snow White did not like Prince Charming?
What if Snow White in reality was trying to run away from a stuck up selfish Prince who was convinced that she was crazy for him and wanted to marry him?
What if Snow White fell in love and married a Dwarf instead?
What would the Prince do?
I will have to write all this out. It sounds hysterically funny to me.

GENIUS PURE GENIUS

Are you ready for shear genius?
I hope so! Because after all you are reading MY blog.
OK so I was watching my baby nephew take a bath yesterday and I was thinking how effective water is for baby cleanup and this brilliant idea just struck me...
BABY BIDET!!!
VIOLA!!! No more mess! No more wipes! No more diaper rash!
IT'S BRILLIANT!!!!
Talk about genius! Every baby I know suffers from diaper rash at one point in time or another and I had always wondered what a good solution would be.
A Baby Bidet is the answer!
HA! HA! Now if only I knew someone who could make the idea a reality...

HOT AIR

School is rather phooey. And I don't particularly care for it. Probably because of the way it is carried out and the methods by which our intelligence is judged. For example I CAN NOT STAND IT when I have to fulfill a required amount of words or pages to explain something so simple as to be summed up in three sentences. When a student is forced into writing just so much the intelligence of the paper or essay goes down and the hot air goes up. Hot air rises eh? Yes it does. The more a person must write the more hot air goes into it. The problem is the hot air rises but the grade may or may not. It depends on how good your hot air is. Instead of grading hot air and how many pages and how many words, teachers need to grade the information simply for information's sake. If the question is answered or the situation explained or whatever then that should be the basis for the grade. Not how long it is. It is being forced into writing these hot air papers and essays that have to do a lot with how much I hate school. And I have learned that my current school is worse in this way than any of my previous ones. It upsets me. I'm supposedly going to a very good school but I don't see it. I am heartily glad that I am only here for the summer to learn what the place is really like. So far I am not impressed. But I suppose someone will inevitably say my next school will be the same way. Maybe. Maybe not. I hope not. I like to be tested/quizzed/homeworked for my knowledge. Not how well I can expend hot air.

CORDELIA

i have been working on a new story. the fairies are at their wits end. they do not know what to do. the magic is gone. they send two young fairies named dolly and georj to go in search of someone who could help them. where should they look? the first human they ever see is a large man who rides a huge green monster that tears up the earth. the monster rider knew a smaller human named cordelia. cordelia is a little girl who plays with two small plastic people. dolly and georj are very curious about cordelia and they follow her around. they watch her play with her plastic friends, clean, eat and play with her dad who can't walk very well. the more they watch her, the more they like her. they wonder if she is the one who can help the fairies.

SPONTANEOUS RANDOMNESS

I was hanging out with a bunch of people yesterday and there was a long lull in the conversation so I looked at the girl next to me and told her to say something random. This is a blog of spontaneously random sayings.
Go to the bakery and buy yourself a dodo bird.
Moon stars drive to the movies on dirt bikes.
Cows travel east in the dawn of a new day.
Blood red flowers consume the bugs of time.
Brown cars are all the rage in ant hills of feathers.
Z will one day spell apple..... Zapple eh?
Seek the vortex of your soul to bring freedom to your mind.
Needles linger in the memory of wrongs done.
Fur is what parrots drink to make them sing.
Yellow twists and turns into a maze of forgotten paths.
Books are what dreams are made of.
A stapler is called a stapler because it eats paper.
Green and orange just don't match.
You will never believe what that monkey just said to me!... What?... What are you talking about?... Monkeys can't talk!
Post mortem is what happens when the internet dies and you need to get a new one.
Music is the destroyer of the undeserving idiot.
To laugh is to have the ability to live through mind numbing lunacy.
Penguins who try to fly turn green on impact.
Chickens gather together to discuss the weather on the moon.
Voracious camels hide from the inevitableness of eternity.
What is your spontaneously random saying?

PUDDING

I do not like being sick. It is phooey. I have a sore throat and a runny nose. I think I would rather throw up. At least I would be over that quicker. So I have been trying to drink lots of water and (because we do not have real cough drops) I have been consuming large amounts of VitaminC drops. I have spent lots of time in the bathroom with the hot water steaming everything up. It clears the nose and soothes the throat. I have also been avoiding dairy because that complicates the nose problem. Until now. My brother Daniel is staying with us and he likes what he calls Daniel Food. Well yesterday he made six boxes of pudding. There are only three people here to eat it! And Bree but she does not eat very much. Well I was looking at all that pudding and decided that I did not want Daniel to eat it all so I ate some. I tell you what. Other than the steam from the shower nothing has made my throat feel better. It is so soothing. My throat feels wonderful when I eat it. I do not care what it does to my nose. I will take whatever relief I can get.